Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Bump Bu Bump Bu Bump It Up

OKAY. I absolutely love infomercials. LOVE them. The Shopping Network is a close second to the late night 30 minute spots but I'll settle if I have to. Especially when you get to witness episodes featuring a drunk Brian Bailey hocking his Spring/Summer 2009 collection and making comments like "you'll look good coming and going" while smacking asses, throwing empty hangers around the set and talking over the poor dude who is attempting to sell his product (genius). This one-time live episodic structure of the Shopping Network is precisely why I prefer the late night paid advertisements that you see over and over again.

My affair with the late night infomercials began with the "Set It and Forget It" rotisserie grill that would be absolutely useless to a vegetarian such as myself, yet I still wanted it. The talking head of the doctor in his office features him outlining the benefits of the machine while a pair of fowl rotate and drip in the background. IN HIS OFFICE.

Next came the Magic Bullet, which sounds more like a vibrator I'd like to have and less like a piece of kitchen equipment that I can't possibly live without. The smoking hag gave the hosts a run for their money in the acting department and I was hooked.

This was followed by a brief fascination with that self-sustaining vacuum that is capable of making decisions and maybe has a soul. I have now concluded that I'm scared of it and try not to think about the advancement of machines.

I'm not even going to get into the Vince of ShamWow meth-fueled prostitute-ridden drama because it's too out there and I could really go on about it. I will say that his new "Slap Chop/Graty" show is pretty impressive, regardless of a million products out there exactly like it.

Now we get to the Bump It, which I have been enjoying for the last couple of months. I know the video is 8 mins long, but please if you're going to watch any of it, watch up to the 3 minute mark. After professions of "no teasing!", "no hairspray", and something like "no more hair disintegration", the woman is actually unable to create the look without these things. The resulting coif was described by my boyfriend as a lop-sided wedding cake. Instant classic, enjoy!


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